The strangled rom part 3

Her mind out of control

After having misused anabolic steroids for almost a year, Sarah stopped suddenly. One day when she stopped by the gym, she noticed that her motivation was gone. Her workout seemed meaningless despite the fact that it was a good day after all. No matter how much energy she tried to put into her workout, it seemed useless. The anabolic effects that the steroids had provided so far, started to level off.

Therefore, she experienced stagnation and got tired of bodybuilding and the lifestyle surrounding it. In general, life had revolved exclusively around body, food and training 24 hours a day, until this morning. As a result of this awakening, she started thinking differently.

Moreover, new thoughts had crossed her mind. When she was on steroids, she had been incapable of taking other people’s feelings into account. Her life was all about herself, and she cared less or little for others. However, this morning she started brooding about it, and felt dismayed by the terrible mistakes she had made in life. In spite of dark thoughts playing on her mind, she decided not to give up. The one hope that she clung to, was however the fact, that there had to be light at the end of the tunnel.

She wanted to do something with her life, and decided to get a higher education. Gradually, she changed her mind set and began focusing on the future. She went back to school and started to retake some general subjects to improve her grades. In order to get admission to college, she needed to have university admission certification. Her dream was a higher education in Health.


In the commencement, it all went well. At the first glance, it could look like Sarah had changed and developed a healthier lifestyle. Finally, she was becoming her old self again, her family thought. Yet, what goes around comes around. The past consumed her. After two months, depression set in, her life started to unravel and time had come for bitter things.


The first time after she had quit using steroids, the substances remained stored in her adipose tissue. Only when the chemicals finally left her body, she experienced a horrendous comedown. However, it all came as a shock. While she made an effort to end her abuse, she thought she would return to her old mental state. Nevertheless, that did not happen. Moreover, Sarah sank into deep darkness and got intense thoughts about ending her life. In general, life had taken a gloomy view, and nothing made sense anymore. Her new mental state frightened her to death, because she had never been depressed before.

Sarah’s failing health, made her consult a doctor. The General Practitioner got seriously worried when he saw the fragile condition she was suffering from. Moreover, her doctor entered into her journal, that she had also had visual and aural hallucinations. Sarah told him about her struggle with compulsions and her other actions considered as self-harm. The doctor also noticed her dark voice and a beginning masculinisation of her body. At last, the session finally ended, and Sarah went home. During the next weeks, her mental health would live its life own its own. Moreover, she alternated between being calm and balanced, and deeply depressed. Sadly, it was going to get wors.

Sarah made a new appointment with her General Practitioner and showed up at his office on time. Her doctor glanced at her. There was no doubt that she had become even worse. Moreover, Sarah told him about her suicidal thoughts. Her doctor snapped into action, and prescribed an antidepressant. Next, he also sent an urgent referral to a psychiatric outpatient clinic. Finally, the appointment ended and Sarah walked out of the door.

Furthermore, she took the medicine as prescribed and became even worse. She started developing a psychosis. It felt like her head was exploding and everything around her seemed changed. She no longer knew who she was. Moreover, one evening she heard a distorted woman’s voice in her own head talking to her. Regardless of the fact that her life had become a hell, she decided to stay alive. Yet, she often thought that death might be a welcomed relief.

Several months after her doctor sent the referral, she got an appointment at the outpatient clinic. There she met a caring psychiatric nurse who wanted to help her. Unfortunately, it was of no use. During this period as a patient, Sarah got even sicker. Over the course of a day, she could experienced frequent and intense mood swings, and she was alternately euphoric and plunged into chaotic darkness. In the end, she lost the ability to take care of herself.

After a short while, one of the doctors working in the clinic, decided
to hospitalise Sarah. She was admitted to a psychiatric ward, and was carefully monitored by the staff. Still, not for long, though. Unfortunately, she was quickly discharged from the hospital. She ran home as soon as she came out. The doctors concluded that she had experienced short-term psychotic episodes, and in their opinion her excessive use of anabolic steroids had made her vulnerable to psychosis.

One year after she stopped using steroids, the physical and mental adverse effects began to disappear. She kept struggling with her life while receiving treatment as a psychiatric outpatient for some years. The treatment was supportive and aimed at helping her to manage everyday challenges and to form her plans for the future. She moved away and completed a degree of higher education. With the aid of therapy, her studies and a huge change of environment, she finally managed to liberate herself from the body-fixated focus and got on with her new life.

3 kommentarer om “The strangled rom part 3

    1. Hi, and thank you so much for your feedback. This blog aims to shed light on taboo topics such as doping and eating disorders. My story is however an old one. I happened 20 years ago. Back then not so many used drugs like anabolic steroids to achieve a better performance. Those who were looking for shortcuts, and decided to put their thoughts into action 20 years ago, were among those who belonged to a sub culture. Today sadly, it is much more common to use doping to achieve the “perfect body”. I am trying to warn against the use of doping by telling my own story. Please share my blog to people you might think be interested in it. I will take a look at yours too. Have a lovely Sunday. Best regards from Camilla

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