This is a story of how the pursuit of self-control ended in eating disorders and misuse of anabolic steroids. I encountered a health service that knew very little about steroids. My hope is that telling my story will enable others like me to be treated with greater understanding.
As a teenager, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, after growing up in a dysfunctional home, where my body was a constant topic of discussion. There was a lot of self-hatred and self-torture, and I yo-yoed between binge eating, vomiting and starving myself. At the same time, I exercised frequently and excessively. The only thing that made me feel calm was driving my body to the limits of exhaustion.
“The year on steroids was a decadent, dissipated and boundless life”.
“No longer knowing what a pretty body is”.
This blog aims to shed light on taboo topics such as doping and eating disorders. The theme left in this blog is “The suffocating room.
Eating and body disturbances can just be compared to a choking room that narrows, detracts and ultimately takes life. The road from a body image disorder to doping can be short. We are all brainwashed every day by gorgeous retouched images that abound on the internet. Many resort to shortcuts in search of the perfect body. These shortcuts have cost many expensive.They all say afterwards after the end of doping, that it was not worth it, considering the serious side effects they experienced.
The blog series “The suffocating room” tells the story of Sarah who began experimenting with anabolic steroids, after struggling with eating disorders for many years. Sarah’s body was literally her own laboratory. Her quest for control even came out of control. It had fatal consequences and the solution eventually became the problem itself. The blog series is basically about the long way back. The broken psyche she was left with made this journey almost impossible. She sank deeper and deeper, and eventually no longer didn`t know what a pretty body was.
Eating disorders can be seen as a form of acting out . However, when dopants are ingested, the acting out continues, only at the other end of the scale.
For outsiders, the lifestyle that accompanies the eating disorder may appear to be a poor life.
Or maybe we should regard the disorder as an expression of the soul’s minimalism.
Feel free to contact me at my email address if you have any questions about women and drug use.